Disappointed
by bcfire
Summary: Gaara cleans out his dad's office and finds a letter. One Shot


His body had been found; an investigation was conducted; the Sound village had been accused, and the alliance with Leaf had been reestablished. While the village elders of Suna figured out who was going to replace the Kazekage, it was up to his children to clean out his office.

Temari and Kankurou met in front of the office door; they wouldn't enter till Gaara showed up. Baki had told them that there was evidence showing that their father had been writing something when he was attacked, but they couldn't conclude exactly what it was he was writing. They were to report to him if they had found anything while cleaning up. Gaara soon joined the two, holding a large box of garbage bags.

The older siblings stared at the box until they remembered that not only does Gaara lack all social grace, he despised their father. They had always suspected that if their father was to be murdered that it would be Gaara that would do it (actually, when the Kazekage's body had been found, Gaara was questioned on his whereabouts during the estimated time of death). Nevertheless, the gesture was still completely tactless.

"Why are we standing around? Let's get this over with." Gaara's natural ability to give commands was either the sign of a born leader, or a spoiled brat. He brushed passed his siblings with his usual air of superiority. Temari and Kankurou followed close behind him. Gaara had seemed to calm down some since they failed the mission in the Fire country, but they weren't sure whether he was contemplating something that had happened there (it threw both of them off guard when he apologized to them), or if he was pouting about losing to a loudmouthed, moron of a ninja.

Gaara opened the door and the three siblings entered the office. There was broken glass on the floor and black ink spilt all over the desk. The chair at the desk had been turned over and one of the book shelves was broken. Temari winced at the thought of what may have hit it. But other than that, the room was how it had always been.

Gaara walked over to the desk and opened the box of garbage bags. Temari slowly walked over to the coat rack. She ran her fingers through the fabric of an old highwayman coat their father always wore while he was out of uniform that was hanging up on it. Kankurou stood at a shelving unit and looked at the old family portraits that were on top of it.

"Get out."

Temari did a double take at Gaara's sudden order. "What?"

"Get out. If you two are going to be sentimental while we do this, not only will it take longer, it will be nothing short of annoying. So leave. Or I'm going to leave, and clean out his bedroom." He then gave a small smile (which is always horrible; Gaara's smile is made up the things that make old ladies faint and small children cry) and added, "You're putting a damper on my good mood."

After being both threatened and creeped out, Temari and Kankurou made a quick retreat, leaving Gaara to dump anything that his father may have held dear. He tackled the desk first. He immediately trashed anything that didn't appear to be a report of some sort. Anything confidential or important would have already been removed, so Gaara went at a haphazard pace. He found small portraits of Temari and Kankurou stashed in the drawers, which he set aside in case they wanted them. He found a picture of his parents pleasantly smiling at the camera. He took it out of the frame, tore off the half that his father was on, and stuffed the other half in his pocket.

After the drawers were empty, Gaara took another quick look around the desk to make sure he hadn't missed anything. Sure enough, another picture lay facing down under the desk. He picked it up. It was a candid shot of the Kazekage sitting on a sofa, trying to hush a crying child. A little girl sat next him holding a bottle. A little boy stood on his toes close by, trying to see the baby. Since the other two children were obviously Temari and Kankurou, the child that Gaara's father was tenderly kissing on the forehead could have only been himself. The frame made a satisfying breaking sound as it hit the bottom of the garbage bag.

He then went to the broken bookshelf. The books were mostly quick reference records of soldiers, missions, budgets and profit margins, and techniques. He sorted them into their respective categories so they could be stored for later use by whomever was going to take over. He did, however, set aside a book that documented the techniques of the Third Kazekage. That should have some interesting information.

He found only one novel. A short note on the inside cover revealed that it was a gift to his father from someone that Gaara didn't recognize the name of. Being an avid reader (his day was eight hours longer than everyone else, he had to keep himself amused somehow), Gaara was a bit curious about its plot, but after deciding that the late Kazekage had enjoyed it (the book clearly had been read many times), he threw it away.

It was then that Gaara noticed the corner of a piece of paper popping out from underneath the ruined bookshelf. He pulled on it, but it just became longer so it must have been a scroll. He reached under the bookshelf till he felt the whole scroll under his hand and he pulled it out. The outside of the scroll was covered in ink. It must have been what he was writing when the sound nins attacked him. He opened the scroll.

At a first glance, it was a letter. At a second glance, it was a letter addressed to him. Since Gaara really couldn't care less about what his so-called parent had to say to him, he probably would have thrown it away. What could he possibly have to say? I'm sorry for trying to kill you? I knew you were a mistake the moment you emerged from the womb? No. Words simply didn't matter anymore. So Gaara probably would have thrown the scroll away and just told his superiors that it was just a letter. Since it was addressed to him, it's his prerogative to throw it away and not give another thought to it (not that he really cared if they got angry with him for throwing it away). However, the first line read as:

_Gaara,_

_Before you throw this away,_

Perhaps it was the fact that the Kazekage actually was aware of, not only Gaara's nature, but his general attitude toward his father that motivated him to continue to read it.

_Before you throw this away, I must ask a favor of you. And before you get angry at me for having the audacity to ask something of you, I must explain something to you. _

Gaara blinked. If that man dared to give him a line of bullshitexcuses, he wasn't going to just chuck this thing, he was going to burn it.

_I will not list excuses to you. What you have endured by my hands is inexcusable. Besides, both of us are too practical to dick around with excuses. No, I want to tell you what my hopes for you are. _

_When I made the decision to seal the Shukaku to you, it was my hope that you would bring glory back to our small village. I didn't do it to make a monster. I did it to make a hero. I love this village. It is my home. I thought sacrificing my child was like sacrificing a part of me. It is for love that I would make such a sacrifice. It is another hope of mine that someday you will feel strongly enough for something to give all of yourself to it, whether it is a cause, a belief, or even another person. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was not sacrificing a person, but a person's right to choose. _

_You took to fighting like it was second nature. I was so glad every time I saw you succeed a technique. I continued to cultivate the soldier in you, but I'm afraid I didn't know how to cultivate the person in you. I have devoted my entire life to my village. I am a soldier. It's all I know how to be. I'm sure that you, of all people, can understand that. _

_Your siblings are fortunate that they are old enough to remember your mother. She was a vibrant and beautiful woman, who would have no doubt doted like mad on you. In spite of what Yashamaru may have told you, when I first told her my plans to bind you with the Shukaku, the first thing she asked me was 'Will it hurt him?'_ _When I asked her why she wanted to name you 'Gaara,' she told me that she wanted you to love yourself and to always remember that your existence is worthwhile. _

_I couldn't have possibly imagined the toll her absence in your life was to take. I couldn't nurture you, so I tried to find someone who could. But I failed. I didn't understand that what made you great, was what made others fear you. I failed the village. I failed you (the true tragedy is that I can tell that you tried to be accepted by others). So what I wanted to save the village actually became a threat to it. I thought I had no other choice but to eliminate that threat._

_After further assessment of the problem, I think your problem is that you gave up on being accepted. Not only did I fail to teach you about love and compassion, I also failed to teach you the value of hope and hard work. Everything came too easily to you. To didn't have to work to become strong, you just were. And because of that, you never learned that anything worth having is worth working hard for. And if you don't succeed the first time, hope that you will someday succeed will drive you to continue to work hard. All my hopes were built upon a person that doesn't know what hope is._

_I suppose what I want to tell you is that I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed. I'm disappointed that you're too much like me. _

_But that's neither here nor there. The whole purpose of this letter is to let you know that I wish to place my hopes upon you one more time. As you may have noticed, the Sound came to us with a proposition. I do not trust them. Something bad is going to happen and I need..."_

The late Kazekage never got the chance to finish what his final hope for his son was.

Gaara rolled the scroll up. He climbed to his feet and walked over to the large bay window that made up almost an entire wall of the office. He ran his fingers along the glass, tracing his ghost-like reflection.His mind wandered to the thoughts that have been occupying mind since he was defeated by Uzumaki Naruto.

Naruto. A person who was so much like Gaara, and yet so different. Naruto was able to beat Gaara because he has people he loves, people who love him. But what made him special enough to be loved by others? Why was he worthy, but Gaara wasn't? During the Chuunin exams, Naruto stood up for a girl who was, "working hard" and "trying her best." Even though she was far weaker than her opponent, the fact that she still tried deserved respect. Rock Lee didn't stand a chance against Gaara, but he still did his best and kept hope in his heart. Uzumaki Naruto worked hard to prove that his existence has worth, he kept hope where Gaara gave up.

But if Gaara were to work hard, and try to forge a new path for himself, would he gain the right to be recognized by others as something more than a weapon? He turned around and scanned the Kazekage's office. He walked over to the coat rack and took down the highwayman coat that was hanging there. When he slipped it on the sleeves covered his hands, the shoulder area was far too big for him, and the coat tails reached his ankles. He turned back to the window to inspect his reflection for a moment. He then sat down in the Kazekage's chair. Gaara had made a decision.

* * *

Look! I found the little divider button in the editor! Yay! I like tadder-tots!

Ok this was just one of those nagging ideas that just wouldn't go away. Sorry to anyone who doesn't agree with my reasoning about Gaara's dad. I just find it unfathomable that a parent could hate their child.

Yes, I'm still working on Open A Window. I'm just sick of staring at the damn thing. You ever work on a painting for so long that you begin to despise everything about it? That's how I feel about OAW right now. I'll get back to it, I promise.


End file.
